


Empty beds & lonely nights

by SmileDesu



Series: V2 [27]
Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Fix-It, M/M, magical dilemma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5825422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileDesu/pseuds/SmileDesu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hasn't even been hours since he's left Billy behind, but Teddy was already regretting it. (set after issue 9 of the 2013 run)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty beds & lonely nights

If you asked him why he trusted Leah, Teddy wouldn't have an answer. There wasn't a particular reason, mind, at least not one that would satisfy logic. She was a stranger, but there was something about her when they first met, when she said she wanted to help him that made him feel like she might actually be able to do so. It was the look in her eyes that was determined and confident; the sound of her voice, steady, unwavering; and then, the bizarre sense of familiarity Teddy felt whenever he looked at her, not like he met her, but someone so very like her. It all came together, offering Teddy everything he desperately needed to the point of craving when he couldn't be certain of his own existence, let alone his emotions.  
If he came to regret it, in hindsight he would not be remotely surprised, but until that time came, Teddy held onto that precious, fleeting stability with both hands.  
  
She was holding onto them back, now, sitting across from him in the diner that had became their meeting place, and looking at him intensely. "It will be alright, Teddy," she told him when tears began welling up again in his eyes. It wasn't the first time she had told him that, and as before, he failed to see how that could be, now more than ever. Just last night he told Billy everything, confessed to his most beloved person all his doubts and fears, and as the rain picked up, he walked away. He could still hear it, Billy's choked sobs in his ear as they embraced for what Teddy realized could've been their last time; it was enough to break his heart all over again.  
It must've showed, because Leah tugged at his hands, making him look at her. She gave him her regular look, not quite warm, but stabilizing, enough to make him want to believe her when she said -  
"It will _all_ be alright."  
He nodded briefly before looking at his unfinished coffee, wondering what power in existence was keeping him there when every fiber of his being demanded he went back to Billy, magical doubts be damned.  
  
–  
  
The small eternity Teddy spent in the shower did little to make him feel any more at ease, but it did give him enough time, perhaps too much, to try and wrap his mind around things. At the very least he could try and begin to process the whirlwind of events that had transpired. As bad as their own reality was at times, the plethora of worse ones he was exposed to made him grateful for small mercies, though not all had such silver linings. For one, Tommy was still missing, and now that he was calmer, Teddy was having a hard time not to use that as another reason to go back.  
"What can you do, as you are now?" Leah berated him earlier, and as much as he wanted to argue, he could scarcely deny his biggest achievement thus far was to be taken captive and almost consumed by Mother.  
"You're even more lost than your friend is."  
Was he coming up with excuses, holding onto her words like he did, he wondered and stared at the small shelf holding the soap bottles. Of course, there _was_ that one humongous discovery they stumbled across, and it wasn't Kate's harpy dimension. No, that one hit close to home in many uncomfortable ways - Billy was the Demiurge, and if Loki's eerie explanation had any truth to it, it made certain doubts they were facing all the more likely. To have so much power, without even knowing about it... why, it should be but child's play, to twist reality to his whims and create a person, let alone create an emotion---  
  
_But Billy would never do that!_ he screamed internally, fist hitting the wet tile wall.  
_Ah, but will has nothing to do with it_ , Loki's voice echoed in his ears, childishly gleeful and shamelessly taunting. It turned Teddy's insides into knots, leaving him nauseous and unsteady.  
Knowing better than to think there was any point in humoring that train of thought for much longer - or was it perhaps the realization he had spent too long in the shower? Either way, Teddy finally stopped the water and left the small bathroom, grabbing a towel on his way out.  
The apartment Leah had provided him with was far from fancy. In fact, it was quite small, but had the base necessities - a bed; a kitchen with a semi-stocked fridge; a television set; the password to the neighbor's wi-fi network. In the long term, this simply wouldn't do, but seeing how all Teddy wanted to do was go to sleep and have this day end, it was more than enough. Of course, things had a tendency to not go his way, and so tired as he was, body and mind both, Teddy found himself still awake, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring ahead into nothing, elbows on his knees. The springs squeaked under him and he refrained from looking back over his shoulder. He wasn't sure he'd survive facing the truth that the soft pressure against the small of his back was the pile of blankets he had abandoned instead of two feet, and that the bed had no warm body sprawled over it.  
It wasn't as though Teddy wasn't used to sleeping on his own. Back home, he did more often than not, but he knew, then, that Billy was on the other side of the wall, and occasionally Teddy could be reminded of it by a loud exclamation or a burst of laughter that would reach him if both their windows were open. Now all he had was the crying of a baby and a mother desperately trying to calm it down. He shouldn't have sympathized with that baby as much as he did, Teddy thought and let himself fall back on the mattress, eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling. That's really all he felt like doing, too, cry out and let someone soothe him. He did his part, at least, a choked gasp tearing through his lips, desperate and weak.  
Nothing happened. There was no movement on the mattress, no limbs shifting over the bedcovers as his partner pulled closer to check on him. A hand running over the bare expense reminded him of the tragic reality that the bed was empty and cold. There was no knock that came from the door, either, indicating that once again, Billy simply _knew_ what was happening with him, even if too often Teddy passed up on the opportunity and kept to himself. Staring at the door didn't help, either, and only served to inform him the light in the kitchen was flickering.  
Ah, no, that wasn't good, Teddy berated himself inwardly and pushed himself up. He shouldn't think of any of that, he insisted and leaned forward again, forearms over his thighs. He made the decision to leave, what was the point of thinking about all that, now that he put so much distance between them? There was no point to thinking about how Billy wasn't coming when he begged him to let him go. No, Teddy wasn't thinking about that, or what Billy would've done had he been there. There was no point in staring at that point in front of him, where Billy would've no doubt crouched in an attempt to keep within Teddy's line of sight, if not establish eye contact. It was pointless to imagine the numerous expressions that would've crossed his face, odd mixtures of pain and apology and comfort, shifting back and forth, all warm, the way he feels about Teddy evident in his eyes constantly. And then Teddy, unable to bear the depth of these emotions, would've looked down, eyes finding his hands, half clenched, and all too inviting for Billy to rest his own hands over. There would be just the slightest bit of pressure applied, a silent request that never failed to make Teddy's hands open so he could hold Billy's hands back, hands that now weren't really there, leaving Teddy grasping at air before clenching his fists. Billy _wasn't_ there,  
_And whose fault was that?!_  
  
It wasn't quite a jump, but the bed still groaned and moaned when Teddy threw himself up to his feet. His hands buried in his hair, fingers at first trailing between the strands, then tugging at handfuls in frustration. This was a mistake. He knew it since the moment he turned his back on Billy, and felt it more with every heavy step he took away from him. Now it was an all encompassing, overwhelming truth that left him lightheaded and nauseous. He shouldn't have done this, shouldn't have left. And for what, a relationship that was just _that good_? It wasn't even perfect, they had their rough spots, but it wasn't as though Billy had a monopoly on making things "difficult", now did he? No, Teddy's had his bad times, too. His infernal tendency to bottle things up, for once, stood in striking contrast to the way Billy was always honest with him, for better or worst. It was this holier-than-thou, martyristic tendency to think he was doing this _for_ Billy, keeping him at an arm's length only to have it blow up in their faces. And then there were the times Teddy quite gloriously fell apart over a great many things, but most famously, his mom... those times he was sure he'd crumble, but there were Billy's arms, keeping him close, holding him tight, holding him _together_ , with his warmth, and his soft voice whispering clumsy reassurances and broken promises that turned into Disney songs when the guy was completely at a loss for words. The memory alone made Teddy chuckle in what was a startled manner, followed closely by a loud sniffle.  
Billy was so good to him during his bad times, and the good times? They were nothing short of brilliant, brightly lit miracles ingrained in Teddy's mind, keeping him going through things like the Civil War of Norman Osborn's reign. Looking back, it made so much sense, was so simple - how could he _not_ love Billy, given everything that happened between them? Weirder things have happened before and weirder things will happen yet, he was sure of it. It made perfect sense they felt this way for each other, truly--  
  
_But what if...?_  
A sharp breath almost got stuck in his throat, leaving him deflated. His hands fell to his sides as he stumbled back, sitting back down heavily on the bed. He loved Billy - he _wanted_ to love Billy, but for all the mistrust he felt towards Loki, Teddy couldn't deny the _possibility_ he presented. They knew enough about Billy's powers, the powers he shared with the Scarlet Witch, to know things were never so simple, and as much as he adored him, Teddy knew Billy's control over his powers left much to be desired. They couldn't rule it out completely, isn't that why Billy let him go at all, and so easily at that? It made sense that he loved him; it was possible he didn't. The paradox tore at him, leaving him so frustrated he felt like screaming. He didn't, instead reaching for his phone, breath heavy and erratic. Screw it all, he was calling him. Just to hear his voice again, one last time... even not to talk, but to know they shared the silence--  
  
_But what if it's already too much?_  
The device met the floor with a loud thud. Teddy stared at it, yet saw nothing, not the floor, not his twitching fingers. He couldn't go back, nor could he bear the distance between them, one of his own making. And the truly worst part of it was, without a doubt, the fact that the same person causing all his anxieties was the one person who could ever make him feel better, leaving him more lost than he ever thought possible.  
  
" _Billy...!_ "  
  
–  
  
It didn't ring, was the gloomy realization Billy reached after a while of staring at his cellphone. He took refuge in the ship's cockpit, knowing no one was likely to come by once Noh finished his routine checkups for the night. He didn't feel like seeing anyone, not when they kept looking at him with almost as much pity as he felt for himself. Teddy walking away kept playing in his mind in an endless loop, to the remixed soundtrack of their conversation. How awful _was_ he, anyway, to hope Teddy would call after what he was just told?  
_Careful, Kaplan, you want it badly enough, it just might happen_.  
Billy gritted his teeth, fingers tightening around his phone. Yes, he just had to want it, and his life would be perfect, isn't that why Mother even existed? Why they were on the run? Why Teddy was so very far away now? Or what about any other horrible thing that ever happened to him, how did that factor into this?!  
_Ah, but all magic comes at a price_.  
And that made all too much sense, didn't it? There was a limit to how much even he could be loved by reality - for he had to be equally hated by it. Billy knew as much, he did, and for the most part managed to deal with _most_ of what came his way. It was just...  
  
_Why now?_  
_Why like this?_  
_Why_ him _?_  
  
A sob was swallowed when he curled up around himself, hood pulled over his head and phone discarded on the seat next to him.  
  
_Why couldn't that one spell be the one to last?_  
  
"There you are."  
  
He heard her coming, but responded to neither the sound of her footsteps nor Kate's declaration. He felt her coming to a stop next to him and hunched his shoulders, curling up further. For a minute nothing happened, to the point Billy wondered if he imagined her, but then Kate moved, picking up his phone and sitting down on the now available seat. There was a faint sound - her toying with the device between her hands, while she contemplated what to say, seeing how her companion wasn't overly cooperative. Finally, she chose to go for the direct approach.  
  
"Feeling up to talking about it?"  
  
The silence as though never left, yet it was heavier and more uncomfortable than before now that an attempt to break it has been made. Knowing better than to think she could outlast Billy when he was like this, Kate opted to try again, with the only thing she could say, given Billy's condition - not that she blamed him, mind.  
  
"Can I sleep with you tonight?"  
  
She fully expected him to refuse; he had more than half a mind to do so. What actually happened came as much as a surprise to Billy as to Kate when he uncurled enough to look at her, eyes big and sad. Then, he nodded. It was very short lived, but Kate still smiled, an instinctive reaction to the silent communication. Now that she was let in, Billy uncurled, gravitating towards the comfort she offered. Their poses didn't make for the best hug, but still Kate sat up when Billy leaned towards her, his head resting against her chest with her arms wrapped around his back. It wasn't long before his shoulders began rocking, and she found herself resisting the relief she felt at him showing any emotions at all. She knew the comfort she could offer him was limited as she wasn't privy to the details, but that mattered little at that moment. Teddy was gone, and Billy was hanging on by a thread. If she didn't do her best to hold him together _now_ , why did she even come along in the first place?  
  
"I'm here," she whispered when he buried his face in his hands, elbows on his knees, yet still held back as much as he could. She rubbed circles over his back, feeling herself cracking too.  "I'm here."  
For all the good it didn't do; she wasn't the one he needed.  
  
"Teddy...!"

**Author's Note:**

> Go [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3744907) to see why I'm personally ok with it all despite how the canon left the dilemma ultimately unresolved. "I don't care" isn't a legitimate solution to matters of consent


End file.
